Ethan Lamont-Connor

im writin this now listenin to ours and ethans song..its kenny rodgers and dolly parton'd islands in the stream.we used to listen to it travellin to the hospital to visit ethan each day.that song just made me so happy listenin to it..on 19th feb o4 i got the shock of my life.i had only got my tonsild out 8 days b4.so when the doc told me i was pregnant i was so estactic but also worried bcos of the operation. once the shock wore of we were so thrilled.i just couldnt wait til he or she came....i held my bump with pride..nothin in this world could have made me happier...unfortunately due to a bladder and kidney infection i went in to labour at 26 weeks.. ethan was born 14 weeks premature and weighed 2lb and half ounce.i remember after i gave birth and jason tellin me it was a boy..ethan was the first boy in my family..i was so proud..not that i minded if it was a girl..i remember my dad comin shortly afterwards.he was grinin and sayin i got my grandson..to describe how i was feelin was indescribable.then after a two hour wait we got to c ethan.he was so tiny.i was so scared cos of his size... i thought if u touched him he would break.but so beautiful.he was the spittin image of his dad...that night i was in bed and beside me was other woman and their babies,it just wasnt fair.wasn't motherhood supposed to start from birthj?yet i couldn hold mine and tell him properly how much he was loved..as each day went on ethan grew fron strenght to strenght.my life was such a buzz.i was shattered but seein ethan stronger gave me so much will..then one day the doctors told us in about 4 weeks u should be able to take ethan home..we were so excited..like babies that got there first toy..i couldnt believe it.i was gonna be able to take my precious son home..then one day when his dad went back to work,i looked at ethan and knew something was wrong...he had just been for an eye test that mornin,so i put it down to it.then i got the dreaded newsthat the docs thought it was a thing called nec and was extremely dangerous.i remember ringin jason and tellin him to get up asap.when he arrived the news sunk in..mayb our son was gonna die?i was hopin i was havin a nightmare but i wasnt...that night the doctor told us ethan was critical and would be lucky to make it thru the night..we sat with him til 4 in the mornin.the doctors told us to get a few hours sleep..some how we slept for 2 hours..in the mornin ethan was still hangin on...then our doctor came in told us,it was lookin up for ethan.cos he had done a poo..in nec cases babies done go to the toilet so this was a good sign...
a few hours after this we were sittin next to ethan when this time we got the worst dreaded news,that our son was brain damaged and his organs were startin to fail..i just wanted to scream..i knew now deep down our angel was goin up to heaven...i told ethan he could have his motor bike as long as he pulled thru(i always told ethan he would never have a motor bike when he was older like his dads cos they were too dangerous).
this was on fri 3rd sept.we sat with ethan for a while and took in evrything bout him...his hair had even changed colour a bit..at bout 8pm the docs asked us a difficult question.whether to switch of ethans life support machine or not?we asked the docs if we kept it on would it make a difference ,they said it may give ethan an extra 15 mins in this world,but then all his organs would have been failed when he died..so me and his dad decided to give ethan the chance to die with dignity..cos at the end of the day if we had of kept ethans life support on it would have been for our benefit not his..so we decided to turn it of..
we also told docs to turn the monitor of as wee bcos we were watchin a lot at the screen to c his heart rate...his grandad filmed a few mins of this so we could cherish it forever...as he lay there in our arms we told ethan we loved him more than anything in this world,that nothin ever would replace him.at 8.30 pm on that lonely fri night the angels came and guided my precious wee man to make gods garden more beautiful..ethan screwed up his face and i still believe that was ethans sign to us that he was going...our wee man aged 6 weeks and 5 days was gone...life seemed such a blur after that..nothin mattered now my wee man was gone but i decided to make him proud and go on to live my life..but nothin will ever take his place bcos until we meet again at heavens door he will remain forever in out hearts and soul.i hope ethan is lookin down on us each day and i hope to god he is proud ,althought never as proud as we are to have ethan our angel as our son...he made me the thing i wanted most in this world,to be his mum!

im also writin this memorial for ethan wee brother or siter that i miscarried on 3rd june o7 at less than 6 weeks in to the pregnacy..the hard thing is we didnt know the sex of the baby so we call him/her angel..but i know ethan will be doin his duty in heaven to look after my angel as well.but i just wanted to tell u all how precious they were to us..mores a pity they couldnt have remained with us on earth forever...bcos they r very sadly missed and greatly loved.....

tread softly my precious angels as u tread in our dreams!!!

if tears could build a stairway
and memories a lane
we'd go all the way to heaven
to bring my babies back again!!

love u angels more than anything....

if we had a million tomorrows,
i know what i would do
i'd gladly give them all away
just to spend a day with you...



forgive us lord,if i should cry
u wanted my son,but so did i.
look after him lord,as he takes rest,
for he is my son,and one of the best.
in heaven u rest,no worries,no pain,
in god's own time,we will meet again.
god looked around his garden,
and saw an empty space,
then he looked down on earth
and seen my son ethan's tired face.
then he put his arms around him,
and lifted him to rest.
god's garden must be beautiful
cos he only takes the best.
he knew son,you were suffering,
he knew u were in pain.
he knew that u would never
get well on this earth again.
he saw the road was gettin rough,
the hills were hard to climb,
so he closed ur weary eyelids
and said 'peace be thie'.
it broke our hearts to lose you
but u didnt go alone
cos part of us went with u
the day god called my angels home!



we never thought of losin you
and mayb that was wrong,
you always seemed a part of us
that would go on and on.
thats why our grievin has no end
no matter how hard we try,
cos our love was far too deep,
to ver say goodbye.
we talk about you often
with pride we speak
your name,
but our lives without u in it
will never be the same.
always stay beside us my angels
its great to know ur there
bcos livin life without u both
is just too hard to bear..

time hasn;t healed the heartache,
or dried away our tears
we still love and miss you,
despite these passin years.

we shall remember as long as we live
the dearest babies that god could give.
our hearts still ache with sadness
our eyes do still weep,
for our wonderful angels
that god wouldn't let us keep.
we laugh,we smile,we play the part
but behing closed doors we have broken hearts.....


love for eternity
never ever forgotten..
love always mummy and daddy xxxxxxxxxxx